February 8, I was forced into a club I had absolutely no interest in being a part of. Six months ago we anxiously waited in the doctors office to hear the heartbeat of a little being we created. My husband had his phone out to record the sounds and my stomach turned in knots. It took what seemed like a lifetime, and finally the doctor said I don't see it.
I didn't say a word and couldn't look at my love. I didn't say a word in the car. He gave me a long hug in our bedroom and I started to slowly fall to the floor crying like someone did something very terrible to me. He caught me before I could hit the floor and I cried myself to sleep in our bed. I was six weeks along. Much to our surprise, and with the help of our second IUI we were pregnant again. We couldn't believe two months later we were pregnant again! Unfortunately that resulted in another loss.
I took us 17 months to get pregnant the first time. We tried naturally for over a year and eventually decided to try hormones that made me cuckoo crazy, and that made me flash like I was living on the sun. My husband had to give me shots in my thighs (now that's love), and we had to time our lovin'. But we got pregnant! Test after test. Blue dye going in here and painfully coming out who knows where. Me wondering which one of us was the reason we couldn't naturally conceive was making me crazy. Thankfully all those test came back fine. For over a year I didn't think we could get pregnant. Now I know we can, not once but twice! But now I worry about why our babies don't make it after 6 1/2 weeks.
I decided to tell my story because there are tons and tons and tons of women like me living a similar story. Without the brave women who've shared their stories with me I would've been really lost. My mom is one of those ladies. And yes I have really bad days, but the good days far out way the bad.
I'll continue to share my journey as long as I feel it's still helping me and others. I don't know much about infertility...hell, I'm still trying to understand what all my lady parts are supposed to do. But feel free to ask me questions about my journey, and thank you for reading my story.